Shopping for swimwear is pretty much the most miserable activity for everyone in the world besides maybe like, Chrissy Teigen, but it’s especially shitty for betches with big boobs. The one piece trend is basically fashion’s middle finger with a tacky acrylic nail to anyone with more than a C cup. Without exaggerating (which is like, physically painful for me because I effing love exaggerating), I’ve probably tried on more than 100 one pieces and have only found a couple that actually really fit properly. I’d literally rather go on bad Tinder dates for a week straight then every try on another ill-fitting one piece. Because I’m like, so nice (lol) and want to share my findings with the rest of the big titty committee, here are the absolute best big boob suits I’ve found.
Finding this one piece was practically a spiritual awakening for me. It has everything I’ve ever wanted in a swimsuit; an open back, a little side boob window, a cheeky bottom and high-cut legs. Normally, I can’t wear anything with an open back that shows off side boob, but this little masterpiece has adjustable straps to prevent gravity from shitting all over my entire life.
Halter tops are totally perfect for big boobs, as long as they’re easily adjustable. This one has removable padding, which is something you should always look for in swimwear if you’re “busty.” (Seriously, can we come up with a new word to replace busty? It’s like, so gross.) Anyway, a lot of extra padding can make you look bulkier than you are, and considering your boobs are probably already bigger than the padding, you’ll end up with mystery bulges all over your chest if it’s a bad fit. Removing the padding is totally a game changer if you haven’t tried it yet.
You know when you find a swimsuit on Instagram but you’re terrified to buy it because literally everything looks so much better on IG? Well, I was feeling adventurous AF and ordered this anyway. I’m so glad I did, because the lace up front magically shows off and holds up boobs at the same exact time. The best thing about this is the lace up is super adjustable, so you don’t have to worry about what size to order considering the fact that you’re typically an XS bottom and an XL top; just order whatever size you’d typically get in bottoms.
Normally, I’d tell anyone bigger than a B cup to avoid ruffled swimwear harder than I’d advise avoiding a dude who uses the pretty filter on Snapchat, but I was so surprised when I tried this one on. The ruffle is on the shoulders, so it doesn’t create an optical illusion that adds 100 pounds to your figure like most ruffled tops would. The fabric of this one piece is basically Spanx. So amazing.
Realistically, we’d all wear literal trash bags if they said Calvin Klein across the front. Thanks, Bieber. Anyway, this super simple design is super flattering, too. Like I said, adjustable straps are lifesavers. Plus, the material is lined and really comfortable. I surprisingly have zero complaints about something for once!
The bottom line: When shopping for one pieces as a betch with big boobs, adjustable shit is key. One pieces are tricky because unlike two pieces where you can mix-and-match sizing, there’s no way you can describe your body as small, medium or large when you have ~curves~. Whether that’s straps or a lace-up front, look for designs that have some kind of movable feature that you can easily tailor to your own shape.
The head teacher of a British primary school has urged parents not to wear pyjamas when bringing their children in, for fear of setting them a bad example. But pyjamas, far from being seen as dowdy and scruffy, were once at the very apex of fashion.
The Lido, Venice’s most famous beach, has been known for more than 150 years for its sophistication. So, an advertising poster from 1927 comes as something of a surprise.
It proclaimed to potential wealthy visitors that the Lido was “the beach of sunshine and pyjamas”. Its sands and hotels were places where people could feel comfortable spending days and evenings relaxing and partying in a garment today associated with bedtime, convalescence or days slobbing out on the sofa.
In a week where a head teacher in Darlington has told parents not to do the school run wearing pyjamas for fear of not setting a “good example” to their children, it’s hard to believe they were ever haute couture.
But the 1920s were a different time. While pyjamas – from the Hindi “paejama”, meaning “leg covering” – had become established nightwear for men since the 1870s, it was seen as adventurous for a woman to wear trousers of any kind, especially in public.
The force for change was the French fashion designer Gabrielle “Coco” Chanel, who decided baggy pyjama-style trousers – complete with a loose-fitting shirt or a sleeveless top – could combine elegance and comfort.
As early as 1918, she began wearing “beach pyjamas”. With their gender-confusing suggestion of the boudoir, they were seen as shocking, but such was Chanel’s influence that they became popular among rich women by the mid-1920s.
The up-and-coming resort of Juan-les-Pins on France’s Cote d’Azur marketed itself on being less stuffy than rival destinations and became popularly known as “Pyjamaland” in English and “Pyjamapolis” in French, so commonly worn were they among its visitors. Some chose Chanel-style fashion pyjamas, but others, seemingly for fun, spent their days outdoors in actual bedtime pyjamas, complete with dressing gown.
“There is a town in France, where summers start at the beginning of spring and ends at the end of autumn,” wrote the journalist Robert de Beauplan in 1931. “There, you can see women wearing strange dresses. It’s strictly speaking Pyjamapolis.” In the same year, Vogue magazine was advertising pyjamas as “woollen suits for the beach”.
In 1932, two women wearing brightly coloured pyjamas caused a stir on Brighton seafront as they promenaded while smoking pipes.
“Throughout the 1930s the styles spread further and could be seen lining the beaches of Britain, yet trousers for women remained somewhat taboo outside of the relaxed dress codes of the beach or the privacy of the home until later in the century,” says fashion historian Amber Butchart.
Chanel herself discovered this attitude on a visit to Juan-les-Pins. The story goes that a doorman refused her entry to a casino. Its owner, Edouard Baudoin, intervened, saying: “Mademoiselle Chanel, you are living proof that one must not be merely dressed, but well-dressed.” The publicity seemingly did neither Baudoin or Chanel any harm.
By World War Two, the craze for pyjamas was fading, with the swimsuit overtaking it as the female beach clothing of choice. Chanel was again among those at the forefront of its popularisation. The post-war period saw the more revealing bikini take over.
But Robert de Beauplan’s observations are a reminder of the effect pyjamas had on the inter-war world. They gave “women an unprecedented look, more free, cheekier, and its relaxed attitude always remains tasteful”, he wrote.
There were simple “classic” versions available, he added, and “more dressed-up” types, with a lower cut, especially at the back. “It’s the afternoon outfit, for visits, tea, dancing and cocktails,” wrote Beauplan. “There are also night pyjamas, which look like dresses from afar when you see them in casinos, until you see the person dance quickly the fox-trot and then, there’s no mistaking.”
Born in 1883 in Saumur, France, she was raised in an orphanage, where she learned to sew
She worked as a singer, where she picked up the nickname “Coco”, before opening her first clothes shop in 1910
In 1921, she launched Chanel No 5, still one of the world’s best-selling perfumes, and later popularised the “little black dress”
During the Nazi occupation of France in World War Two, she had an affair with a German officer, moving to Switzerland after hostilities ended
Chanel returned to Paris in the early 1960s, her fashions once again becoming popular, and died at the Hotel Ritz in 1971
But they’ve become controversial again for a different reason. Kate Chisholm, head teacher of Skerne Park Academy in Darlington, County Durham, has complained that parents are turning up at school dressed in them. She’s urged them to “dress appropriately in day wear”, arguing this will set their children a better example, increasing pride and academic achievement.
Similarly, in 2014, US fashion commentator Clinton Kelly remarked there had been a “downward spiral of style” over the previous decade. Adults who might pop to the local shop for a pint of milk or newspaper wearing slippers and pyjamas felt they had “permission not to care” about sartorial standards.
Some of the Skerne Park parents, who have been vilified on social media, could at least take succour from one of Chanel’s best known remarks: “It is always better to be slightly underdressed.”